Siblings Sharing Space

There are so much incorrect information in this world especially about children, and especially laws concerning children.

In a previous blog I mentioned how it is not against the law for me to take pictures of my son without his clothes on. The reason I know this is because someone had told me that when he turns 9 months old it is against the law for me to take pictures of him in the buff.

So I looked it up.

And no it isn’t.

BUT, as I mentioned in that posting, I have to be careful where I post those photos. As, even though it is not against the law (as long as they are taken with the right attitude and in the right context), I must be careful about my son.

Then I was told that if I have another child of the opposite sex or I have more than two children we will need to move into a thee bedroom apartment/house.

So I looked it up.

And no I don’t.

Some apartments do have their own rules about same sex siblings sharing a room (separate rooms after one of them turns 5 years old), and if any of the children are part of the foster care system then there are different rules.

But as long as the children are happy and healthy parents don’t have to worry about Child Protective Services if their children share a room.

I shared a room with my three siblings (one of which is a boy), until we hit puberty and we loved it! I have many fond memories of playing with our stuffed animals together, building with Legos together, and constructing elaborate forts together.

It also taught us many valuable life lessons about sharing and cooperation. This became an invaluable asset when some of us lived together in the same house along with our spouses for a couple years (I am planning to blog about that at some point - our experience with communal living - working together and respecting each others’ space).

If the children want some privacy, there are many easy things one can do to fulfill their need of having their own space. Here are some ideas.

We plan to be out of our apartment before God hopefully blesses us with three children (hoping for four!). Not only because it would make our apartment feel a little too crowded but also because I think it is valuable for children to have a garden to run around and play in.

I am still undecided about how long my children will share rooms but mostly because it will depend on the children. I don’t think they need everything they want but do want to give them what they need.

Maybe I will have four boys, and then I won’t even have to worry about it.

Rise, Shine and...

I just saw a sidebar Ebay add that disappointed me a little bit.

When it started out I didn’t know it was an Ebay add as it just showed clouds and then a sun appearing with the words: “rise, shine..” and instantly the rest of the song came into mind: “and give God the glory!” but no, the next words that appeared were “and make it mine.”

The contrast was rather stark.

The last words that stayed on the screen were “Make it a perfect day with the perfect deal.”

But it was the contrast between the thought of giving glory to our God who deserves our praise, to that of feeding the materialistic, greedy little monster inside all of us that really jolted me out of thinking about reading my emails and started me thinking on a higher plane that ended with self examination.

When we rise and shine God should be first in our thoughts.

When we praise him and do his work that should make it a perfect day.

When I thought back on my morning so far I realized that first thought when I awoke was: “just a few more minutes of sleep, please!” as my son made it known that his morning had started.

After dragging myself out of bed and pottering around the house my thoughts have been filled with things I am planning to do today and tomorrow..

..and not a single thought of praise to my God.

Thank you Ebay for making me re-evaluate my morning and start thinking about my God!

Thank you God for reminding me about you.

Don't Question God

I sometimes wish that life changing events... didn’t permanently change one’s life.

I am not talking about the good changes like when one decides to dedicate one’s life to God, or to get married or to have children..

No, it’s the unplanned, horrible ones - the ones that I wish never happened.

The ones where I would do almost anything to go back in time to stop it from ever occouring. To go back and change the past in order to make the present better or simply easier and less complicated.

But, God is wise.

He decided to make things happen the way they do.

There is no profit in questioning his wisdom.

Mown Grass

Driving down the freeway I noticed that they were cutting the grass along the verge and in the median strip. Big clouds of dust billowed behind the heavy machinery.

Even though I suffer terribly with grass allergies I was a little sad to see the grass being cut down.

In front of the mower the golden, dusky pink and shades of green grass, dotted with bright white daises, swayed in the breeze. Behind the mower the grass was short, uniform and yellow.

It reminded me of a verse about the flesh. Here today, gone in an instant. All in God’s control.

And it turns out I wasn’t the only one to think about grass today.

Wise as Serpents

I love naked pictures of babies.

They are so cute with their rolls of chub, soft skin and the dimples. What is a more adorable picture then that of my son’s little behind as he stands holding unto the side of the bathtub looking eagerly in at the water as his bath is being prepared.

There is a certain innocence about babies in the buff.

And they love being naked.

It is so funny to see a little toddler running away from his mother who is trying to get his clothes back on him. Rejoicing in his nakedness, his laughter is contagious. His mother has to give up the chase and sit down so that she can breath through her laughter, and ruefully watch her child run around with glee in the sunshine.

But, I will never post any adorable photos of my baby's bare bottom.

There is no law that prevents me.

But prudence does.

This is a public blog.

I don't share my name, age or even my home town on this blog.

Wise as a serpent in these dark days (Matt 10:16).

Like Christ ye Mothers

After Moms ‘n Tots last Friday I spent the afternoon with another young first-time mother and we got on the topic of how easily young mums can read criticism in even the most innocent of remarks.

We had both found that we have had to work really hard not to take to heart what people says about our child or about us as a mother.

It has been quite a realization to both of us.

Before being mothers we had quite thick skins and were almost impervious to most things that people could say to us. Even today you can make a remark about our clothes, or the geeky things we say or do and we will laugh and make a joke of it...

..BUT you make one seemingly slighting remark about our baby and it elicits a completely different reaction. Watch out for Mama bear!

The same is true for how we look after our precious little gifts from God. It is such a huge responsibility to take care of a little person - looking after their physical bodies and molding their souls - so that if someone does say something that even vaguely implies that we are not doing a good enough job.. the defenses immediately go up!

The discussion left me with an even stronger resolve to bite my tongue before responding to a remark. Maybe asking a question to find out what the other person was really trying to say before immediately putting up the barb wire, setting out the guard dogs, and sending out the armored tanks.

Giving others the benefit of the doubt. Something I appreciate when it is given to me.

I know I have often put my foot into it, and have always been grateful when given a little bit of patience and a second chance to better explain myself.

..and what if it is a criticism?

What if someone does say something negative about my child or about how I am raising my child?

I know I am trying my hardest to be a good mother and I need to keep reminding myself that the other person is just trying to help me. By giving them an opportunity to speak I may become an even better mother, or, if the advice is something I don’t wish to follow, at least the experience will hopefully help me become a better disciple of Christ.

Christ was always a patient listener. He didn’t revile when he was reviled.

That night at Sister’s class we read these verses that tied in perfectly with the earlier discussion:

“For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.
Likewise, ye wives..”

Isn’t that such a powerful passage?

But the key point for us women is the word “likewise.”

"Like Christ ye women.."

Like Christ had no guile in his mouth and did not revile - we should do likewise - especially if we are criticized (or at least we may feel criticized) while trying our best.

"Like Christ ye women.."

Who needs a Map??

I am one of those people blessed with a very good sense of direction.

If I know roughly where I am and roughly know the general area, I can usually work out where I want to go.

It usually involves a couple of u-turns and long-way-rounds because of dead-end streets, or roads that end up leading me the wrong way, but I usually find my way in the end.

I have become so confident and reliant on my ability that it surprises me when others don’t share my faith in my ability (like my brother's wife and my mother-in-law). They look at me dubiously as I stand confidently with arm outstretched and finger pointing: “There! That is where we want to go! Now we just need to find a way to get there...”
And even when we eventually do find our way, they are still left feeling skeptical and put it down to chance that I had found my way in the end.

When we were teenagers, my sister that is now in Ecuador and I used to go on many a road trip without a map (usually because we forgot to bring a map with us), and we always found our way.. eventually.

The times that I do get lost is usually when I am stressed out (because I am late!) or very tired. If am late for something or have a lot going on, I tend to second guess myself and usually get all mixed up, start crying and call someone on my cellphone to help me.

..and sometimes I get lost because my sense of direction was wrong. I didn’t actually know where I was or I didn’t actually know where I was going.

Instead of relying on my own sense of direction, wouldn’t it be so much easier with a map?

A map to tell me exactly where I am and where I am going.

If I used a map I wouldn’t have to learn the hard way where not to go. I would not waste my time (and other’s time too!) with going the wrong way or wondering around not quite sure where I am or which road to take.

Thank you God for giving us your word. A guide to how I should live my life and which shows me where exactly I should be heading.

I should never trust on my own instincts.

With God’s word constantly as my reference guide it makes my life so much simpler. I just need to make sure it is always with me and that I know how to use it.

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but YHWH directeth his steps.”
(Proverbs 16:9)

Life's Road

While driving my son to swimming lessons this morning, I realized how my perception of the section of road leaving the town in which I now live has changed over the years.

When I was a child and lived two hours south from the town in which I now live, I didn’t even notice this section at all. I was probably busy within the car with my stuffed animals, reading a book or squabbling with my siblings with an occasional glance out the window at the passing scenery.

When I grew older and drove this route with my sister and then by myself in order to visit my future husband I dimly started to notice this particular section of road. As part of a two hour road trip, this section was only note worthy as it was the point where I could speed back up to 70 miles per hour after driving 60 through town.

Now that I have lived in this town for almost a year I have become very familiar with that section of road. It has become a part of my everyday life.

Later, when we move away from this town, I will have fond memories of that section of road and won’t be able to pass it without a wistful smile.

Isn’t life like that?

When I was young I had a vague notion about being a mother. Not the real mother things but more the outer showings of a mother- cooking, cleaning, and looking after the physical needs of the children. I was too busy being a kid to give it too much deep thought.

When I grew older and worked in day care I started to put some more thought into how I would like to raise my own children (especially when I saw examples of how I didn’t want my children to behave!). My future husband and I also discussed how we would raise our children if God had that in store for us. I had many high expectations for myself and started to form an idealistic picture in my head of what type of mother I would like to be.

When I became a mother I started to realize that the section of life’s road wasn’t completely the way I had thought it was going to be like. I had either not known or not realized the importance of certain things about being a mother.

Some of it was good in that I was surprised at exactly how much a part of me my baby becomes. I was also amazed at how much I can love him, how much joy he can give me and how deeply he effects me. Another thing that I found out was how much a part of the unit that my husband and I had become he was able to so naturally become a part of too. The three of us feel like we have always been together.

But some of it was also negative with the loneliness, the uncertainties and the frustrations. I knew I would be lonely being an hour away from most of the people that I know, but I didn’t realize how lonely. I also didn’t truly appreciate how many uncertainties come with being a mother- should I do this for him? Is this the right decision? What if that happens? I also sometimes get so frustrated with my son and wonder how someone I love so much, can also make me so angry. So angry that I have to leave the room, do something else, and take a couple deep breaths before coming back. Being a mother is not all about cleaning, cooking and looking after the children. Most of it is in the head.

Now that he is eight months old I am finally starting to fully understand all the ins and outs of being a mother. This section of road is now becoming familiar to me.

I am very happy being a mother. I love being a mom to my little boy.

And I know, years from now, I will look back with a fond smile at this time with my little boy.

Waiting for His Return

My son adores his Daddy.

Yesterday, at the end of his lunch break at home, my husband prepared to leave. My son, who had been closely observing his father's every movement, indicated to me by raising his arms and wiggling his fingers that he wanted to walk. The moment I grasped his two hands he pulled himself up and walked as fast as his two little feet could go over to Daddy.

My son made a general nuisance of himself as my husband tried to put on his roller blades. He tried to bump heads with his father (something the two of them do as a sign of affection), grab at a strap on his father's rollerblades (but I didn’t want him to get too close to the wheels), snatch off my husband’s glasses, and try to get his Daddy to hold him.

But Daddy had to leave.

With my son being held back by his mother - his determined strides forward being restrained by the very hands that he held for support - my husband was finally ready to leave.

Daddy gave one last hug and kiss, rolled out the door and then shut the door behind him.

My son gave out a little heartrending cry.

He ran forward to the door and stared at it for a long moment. Maneuvered himself to where it opened and stared at it for another moment, hoping that Daddy would open it and come back in.

But nothing happened.

My son looked up at the doorknob and tried to reach for it. While holding unto one of my hands he let go the other and reached his arm up as high as he could -even going onto his tippytoes- but still could not reach the doorknob. He finally looked imploringly at his mother. “Let me out! Let me go to Daddy!”

I tried to distract him by walking him away from the door but each time he would determinedly turn back and walk up to the door and try reach for the door knob.

He wanted to be with his Daddy!

Eventually I managed to get him away from the door and have him start to play with his toys - but for a couple moments even after that he would look over his shoulder at the door. Waiting for his Daddy.

When Daddy came home at the end of the day- oh the excitement!! My son fairly wriggled with it! The joy! He grinned his biggest grin and when his Daddy scooped him up he gave his Daddy a big hug around the neck! “You are home!! I missed you Daddy!”

May we anticipate Christ’s return with as much joy and excitement!

Two Hundred Dollars

Our apartment's parking arrangement is nice in that there is no assigned parking and so we don’t have to worry about limited visitor parking. But the bad thing about the complex's parking arrangement is that we often have to park faaar away from our apartment (sometimes on the opposite side of the apartment complex from our apartment!).

We don’t mind the walking. In fact we prefer walking! I walk to the grocery stores to go shopping and my husband, if he is not walking, roller blades to work every day.

But, if we have a lot of things to unload, it is pouring with rain and it is getting late at night, the parking arrangement is a pain! (-at least in our arms and backs anyway)

Last night we got home in the evening, after baby’s bedtime. My husband was coming back from a weekend backpacking trip which involved roughly 20 miles of hiking and I had been up late every night hanging out with some of my girlfriends and family.

We were exhausted!

And the only free spot anywhere near our apartment was a handicapped only spot. We decided to use it just while we unloaded the vehicle, and then we would move the car to a different spot right away.

But we forgot to move the car.

The next morning we found a notification about a hefty fine under the windshield wipers.

A $200 dollar hefty fine.

I tried not to think about how many groceries that could buy.

Two-hundred dollars!

My first reaction was to try see if I can contact someone and justify myself- tell them the circumstances surrounding why we had parked there. We hadn’t meant to park there! I could tell them about my tired husband with knees so sore that he could hardly walk, about the tired baby who needed to go to bed, and all the luggage that needed to be unpacked. Have mercy on a poor tired mother!

My next thought was to try blame my husband. He had taken the last bits of luggage out of the car. He is the one that normally parks the car. He should have remembered. It was all his fault!

But, thankfully, I didn’t do either.

I didn’t call anyone to try justify myself and I didn’t rant at my husband for forgetting.
Neither reaction would have been what Christ would want from me.

We had broken the law and I was just as much in the wrong as my husband.

I just need to continue to tell that to myself every time I remember how big the fine was.

$200.

Ouch.

Lesson learned!