Exclusion

Have you ever been part of a conversation where you are left with the strong feeling of being deliberately excluded?

The inside joke is an obvious one. You see the glances and then the laughter and know that it is pointless to ask what was so funny, as the standard reply is "oh, sorry, it's nothing" and then they laugh some more. At this point your options are either to laugh weakly and act as if you know what is going on, or to pretend as if it doesn't bother you.

Then there are the more subtle ones where someone will mention an event and you catch the words "we" and "all of us" but then realize that you were never invited. If you don't catch on right away, and start to get all excited about going, they will then realize their mistake and change the pro-nouns or be even more specific by naming all those who are invited (which does not include you).

There are also the times where they will talk of "everyone" being invited but realize that you are not "everyone" as you don't have something that is needed for the activity (and you know that they know it). For example "everyone" is invited to go horse back riding (but you don't own a horse), or "everyone" should wear tie-dyed shirts (when they know you don't have one).

But then..

You are in a group of friends and someone makes a reference to something that reminds you of the time that you and your friend did that funny thing and can't resist reminding your friend about it. Then when you see the blank expressions of those who don't know the story, it just cracks you up even more!

Or you are in a conversation with a group of people and you and your friends have already made plans to go do something and as you are talking about it you realize that someone in the group got the impression that they are also coming. Even though you would love that person to go, you realize there is not enough space in the car for them, and so try move the conversation on to something else so that you don't hurt their feelings. Only afterwards do you admit to yourself that you didn't really want that person to come along.

Then there are those times where you invite everyone to go swimming at the pool and only at the pool remember with feeling of sinking realization that one of the people that was part of the group is not there because they can not swim... and is in fact afraid of the water.

Exclusion is hurtful.

We all hate it...

Yet we all do it.

It is just so easy to do.

We do it out of selfishness or thoughtlessness, which is inexcusable.

This week reach out and try find someone that you can INclude into your group!