What Was My Motivation?

The heart is so deceitful!

I recently had to make a very difficult moral decision that even now I don’t feel completely at ease within me on with what I finally ended up doing.

It is so difficult to look at a moral issue objectively when it is not as clearly defined as one would wish it to be.

The subtle layers of an issue can make it hard to come to the very core of why it is wrong, or even if it is wrong at all.

Then when one identifies that yes, it is wrong and why it is wrong, then comes the tough decision of what to do about it.

Is it something worth making a stand about? Is it something worth offending someone about?

In the end I decided that yes, it was something I had to make a stand about. My conscience didn’t feel comfortable with participating and making myself a part of what I thought was wrong.

But then, I found myself searching and questioning my true motives.

Was it really because of my high and lofty morals that I was inspired to make my decision.. or was it my wily and evil little heart that had tricked me into thinking I had, when in fact I had been lured by other reasons? The hateful flesh tricking me into believing that I had made the choice out of a pure intentions when in fact it was pride that had been the true motivation.

I hope not.

I really and truly hope not.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)